Ever Skyward

            The United States is falling behind in an important race. Recent reports show that we are not nearly doing our part in the international program to destabilize the planet’s climate.  Despite the Trump Administration’s concerted efforts to do away with any and all job-killing environmental regulations, US greenhouse gas emissions are projected to grow only about 2 percent in 2018.  Sure, that reverses a small but alarming reduction over the past several years – in part because of the efforts of the previous Obama administration. Good riddance to that namby-pamby bunch. But come on. Our growth is paltry compared to China’s energetic five percent growth, and India’s robust six percent.

Sure, India’s increase comes from trying to bring electricity to more of its burgeoning population, and China has stepped up coal-fired manufacturing (in no small way to sell goods overseas, including to the US), but here in America, we are doing really meaningful things. Such as gutting regulations against coal-fired power, and producing ever more large, luxurious, fuel-thirsty vehicles. And hey – the Trump administration has our safety in mind.

Bureaucrats from all corners of the world are currently wasting time and money in Katowice, Poland, on a lost cause – trying to stop the inevitable progress in greenhouse gas emission production. Even the United States, the only nation with the common sense to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accord, has sent saboteurs, er, I mean, representatives to this gathering. (And of course, there are local American officials on hand who insist on doubting the wisdom of our large-brained national leader.)Thankfully, there are some common-sense experts on the fringes, including the Heartland Institute. The Good Lard gave us this abundance of fossil fuel to use to warm up the place. We would be fools not to burn the hell out of these riches.

The real experts have been telling us all along that we should ignore chicken-little climate change alarmists like James Hansen, Michael Mann, Katherine Hayhoe, Bill McKibben and so many others. They really should just shut up and go home to their solar-powered ivory towers and leave the rest of us alone. After all, there are no better storytellers than the likes of Marc Morano, James M. Taylor and veteran anti-science warrior Fred Singer.  Positive storytellers. Good-news storytellers.  True American storytellers.

No one cherry-picks climate data better than Morano and his Climate Depot site. And so what if Morano has bet against TV showboat Bill Nye about climate change.  Nye offered a $20,000 bet to show that human activity is warming the planet. Morano declined. As if a realist on a mission, such as Morano, has time for such trivia?

James M. Taylor is doing his part right now in Poland to tamp down alarmism, as any good climate denier should.  And Fred Singer, now there is a common-sense hero of heroes.  His stellar resume includes defending the tobacco industry when it was unfairly attacked for allegedly deceiving the public for decades about the link between cigarettes and health problems like heart disease and cancer. Just think how much needless regulation would be burdening the economy if not for the tireless good fight waged over so many years on so many issues by the venerable Doctor Singer.

And of course the fight to save the economy from environmental eggheads has no bigger hero than the current US President. Just look at all the regulations Trump’s administration is protecting us from.  Not to worry, good people. After all, Trump tells us that he wants clean air and water.  That good intention is good enough for me.  And how can we doubt a leader with a large brain, high IQ and a natural instinct for science? How can the alarmist possibly compete with all that?!

With any luck, our dear leader will survive the turbulence now buffeting his administration, get his public support percentage out of the 30s once and for all, and win a second glorious term.  Then we can really bring back coal, drill for oil and gas wherever we damn well please, and sideline once and for all every simpering environmental extremist. We could recover our former first place in global greenhouse gas emissions, and show those pikers in China and India a thing or two. We could really make America great again.

Hell, we could party like it’s 1899.

 

Blogger’s note: Sometimes only satire can truly depict mind-blowing absurdity.